Alito & Family Moved During Mob Protests For Safety

FINALLY!

Late Monday night, near 4 a.m. in Missy’s Queef, Delaware, the throng of protesters and rioters had finally just settled down for a break.  The “My Body My Choice” signs went down, the rocks and eggs and bullets stopped flying, and the chanting had ceased.

Ron DeSantis had already completed his change into full werewolf.

That’s when SCOTUS judge Samuel Alito and his family made their break for it.  Ushered out by eighteen federal agents and packed into unmarked black vans, they were whisked away to safety before the cacophony resumed anew.

The activist conservative Darth Vader and his family of padawans is now sequestered in an undisclosed location while the mob rules at their former home.  Agents are pretty sure they won’t be targeted at 6138 Cocknballs Lane in Dover.  Where the phone number is (510) 538-7533.  Big oak tree out front by the silver Mercedes S-class.

Joe Konders of the Crybaby Police was contacted for a statement, and gave the following along with his mom’s sacred apple Kugel recipe.

“The Alitos are all perfectly safe.  His wife Francito, their daughter Conchito and twin sons Vito and Tito are sitting in an unfinished brownstone staring at bugs and crying.  Hey, it’s better than having to turn up the Nickleback to drown out those thugs.”

The protests at SCOTUS judges houses seemed to start immediately after the release of a note claiming that Roe vs Wade would be overturned.  Inflated by Fox News and similar dipshit outlets to 500 times the size and ferocity, it’s become a catastrophe.

You say catastrophe, I say “COCAINE PARTY! WOO!”

In a related item, Kanye West has set up shop outside of Kim Kardashian’s vagina and is performing cartwheels for children on the perimeter of judge Amy Barrett’s clam farm.