This year, the annual contest of football champions will commence in Queef Angeles, California, where the top two teams in the multiverse will vie for supremacy. Who will win? Who will lose? Will Dr. Dre have a good day?
Will the new X-Men movie casting blow a fat dick?
All these questions and more will be answered on February 13th. But the actual inquiry being most googled by Millenial massage majors and plump-bellied conservative blumpkin brains everywhere is “what the hell does LVI mean?”
You see, urchins, for the longest time, the Superbowl has been marked with the scourge of Roman numerals. This means that the numbers are represented by letters, I, V, C, L, X, and eventually M. There might be an N in there too, I don’t know for sure.
The “L” represents 50, while the following “V” is a five, and the “I” is a one. All of this hoopla translates to 56. Now wasn’t that simple? If you said “Oh, hell naw”, then you’re with 96% of the American population who just either want numbers to be numbers, or know that the Romans also invented ear sex.
Whatever the case, Sandy Batt of the Arabic Numeral and Osteoperosis Council says that Satan’s markings are the answer.
“When we label the Superbowl ‘Number 56’ instead of all that ‘LCII’ nonsense, it will raise awareness and excitement for the event. Just like it did when we changed President Trump from ‘XLV’ to ’45’. Although XLV is actually the rating of his sex tape with Joe Rogan. I mean, it’s something to do, isn’t it?”
There’s also the prospect of making solar-powered chainsaws.
Superbowl 56’s halftime show is getting quite the bump as well, with the announcement of artists like Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, and Milli performing live. Vanilli was notably, and sadly, killed in 1997 by Robocop.
It seems like Arabic numerals are here to save the day once again. What do you think? Give us the IIIrd degree in the comments.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
