Every year, January the 6th comes and goes with little fanfare. It is National Whipped Cream day, as well as the birthdays of both “Ghostbusters” star Kate McKinnon and handicapped first son Eric Trump. But this year, to thousands of misinformed YouTube scholars, it’s much more.
It’s also the date many Proud Boys use as “Sister Valentine’s Day.”
On that date in the coming year, Congress will be convened to officially count the electoral votes from the fifty states and confirm Joe Biden as the incoming President of the United States.
Although it’s possible for any random slurper of Donald Trump’s balls to “object” to the count, all that would happen is that a discussion would be triggered, causing the Democrat-controlled house to simply continue.
Even so, thousands of reality-defective lunatics and throwback Trump supporters intend to march in Washington on that day, with no plan, goal, or overall reason other than constipated frustration. In a recent announcement, the American Communist party stated their intention to join them. All 5000 of them.
We asked Joe Barron of The Queefatage Foundation what he thinks either of these dipshit parades hope to achieve.
“The Trumpers obviously aren’t exactly rocket surgeons. They think that the constitution gives Mike Pence some kind of super powers to overturn an election on that day. Mike Pence can’t even overturn a travel-sized tube of KY jelly in his secret Indiana sex shower.
They also think Joe Biden is a ‘communist’ even though he owns private property. I guess the opposing march is trying to educate them. Which is like trying to teach a cocoa puff how to run an obstacle course.”
“Oh don’t talk about cereal. My body can’t hold the milk.”
Both the Potatriot and Commie Marches are likely to go down in history as glaring embarrassments, functioning as the political versions of Dr. Suess’s “Star Bellied Grinches” tale.
If you live in the Washington D.C. area and have access to a lot of water balloons and cat urine, I’d advise you to take the day off from work now.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
