In recent days, the United States has seen a wave of chilly weather, from frozen New York lakes to frosty Texas plains. Although the winter season is a natural and obvious cause for this type of affectation every year, a small group of radical left environmental activists seems determined to place the blame on “climate change”.
Al Gore, John Kerry, and most recently, earth spokeskid Greta Thunberg are blaming, (guess who?), former disgraced President Donald Trump and his aggressively ignorant anti-climate policies for today’s runny noses. The Swedish Bleat-ball cited Trump’s withdrawal from the Paris Climate accords as well as his constant defunding of environmental causes and alternative energy sources.
Thunberg cited the nearly 900 wooden chairs the bulbous commander has broken during his term.
Sandy Batt of Treehugging Thugs magazine caught up with the little Norwegian of the Season to hear her reasoning.
“This incompetent clown that America’s elderly and white population made into the President is the cause of every problem that mother earth has. Perhaps this is the reason she has released this Trump Plague on your country, no? It is warning that having a giant fat man with a hapless whore in charge is bad thing.”
Thunberg went on after helping a passing motorist fill the tires on his Prius with cool whip to save on air molecules.
“This weather is affecting the whole world, not just America. But a big country full of fat bottomed consumers putting poisons in the atmosphere and fat and plastic into the water comes with a cost. Thanks to God you have rejected this Trump. He belongs in a zoo for stupid animals.”
Following the interview, Thunberg released a five-minute long queef of pure nitrogen to benefit the rain forest.
The theories have struck hard on the left, having, at least, more authenticity than the absolute batshit proffered by mental patient Marjorie Taylor Greene. Will the little vocal Swiss Miss encourage Pelosi and company to consider a third impeachment process for Trump’s theoretical damage to the planet? It certainly wouldn’t surprise anyone.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
