The entire world has been turned upside down by the current health crisis, and some countries are doing better than others in managing it. It’s the unanimous opinion of every red-blooded American potatriot that the United States is doing the best job in the entire world — specifically, our dear leader, President Donald Trump is the best leader in the entire world.
Trump knew back in December that we should take this virus seriously, he led an all-hands-on-deck charge to defeat the disease, and he never ever called it a hoax.
And now the prestigious Nobel Committee has decided that President Trump deserves a prize that they created just for him. Yes, patriots, President Trump will be awarded the newest Nobel Prize — the Nobel Prize for Kakistocracy.
This prize is a real departure for the usually serious Nobel Committee, which never makes jokes or appears in satirical stories. The members of the committee, led by the always feisty Sandy Batt, decided to offer Trump this new prize simply so they can laugh at him when he brags about winning a Nobel Prize.
To stroke Trump’s stunningly oversized ego, even more, they are going to tell him that the statue is quite a bit larger than the one that they awarded to President Barack Obama. These things matter when you’re an overgrown man-baby suffering from malignant narcissism.
The committee is also hoping that planning for the award ceremony will give Trump something to do other than howl like a diseased banshee during his televised afternoon propaganda sessions. Someone on his team will at least have to look up the word “kakistocracy,” but knowing that crew, they’ll think it’s close enough to aristocracy — which is clearly what he aspires for.
King Trump will accept his award in person as soon as it’s safe for him to be around a crowd of fawning sycophants.
