The Supreme Court came to a radical decision yesterday, authoring an opinion piece reading that they had already voted to overturn Roe vs Wade and leave issues of abortion to the individual states.  It was a historic and laughably reasoned thing to do.

      Like bullying nerds into smoking weed.

This morning, Justice Sonia Sotomayer put that particular opinion to rest, informing news media that there “wasn’t” already any vote, and that should it come up within the next few months, she would refuse to opine for it, ending the controversial dog-and-pony show.

Court administrator Joe Barron enhanced her refusal in front of the Washington Queefmorial early in the day.

“The paper that was released to the media and internet is a drunken pipe dream written by Clarence Thomas at 3 a.m.  No actual ‘vote’ was taken, no decision has been made, and no court case was involved.  We are looking into getting Mr. Thomas psychological help.”

Chief Justice John Roberts offered a similar take on the document after waking up this morning to his Facebook feed, spitting out his coffee, and muttering : “Whhhaaaat?”

“I honestly haven’t heard anything about this until now.  Is he nuts?  It’s not like it would ‘illegalize abortion’ even if it were true.  We can’t, as a nation, just slide back fifty years and become Iran.  I’m taking away that guy’s penis pump.”

Justice Elena Kagan also had a say, calling the paper : “A childish bluff from the usual glassy-eyed extremist dickweed.  Madre de dios.”


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