Pelosi: We Will Impeach Amy Coney Barrett First Thing After Election

In a sign of what portends to be a contentious political battle, House Speak Nancy Pelosi announced today that her first order of business after the election will be to hold impeachment hearings against newly appointed Supreme Court Judge Amy Coney Barrett.

Mrs. Pelosi also said that she is confident that the impeachment will proceed swiftly and that, unlike during President Trump‘s impeachment, the senate will vote to impeach the judge:

“Today the gloves officially come off. If, as we fully anticipate, Joe Biden wins in a landslide and we retake the senate, we will ensure that the blatantly illegal appointment of Judge Amy Barrett will be reversed.

We have discovered troubling new evidence on a laptop that Ms. Barrett left in Senator Schumer’s office when she sat for her interview. That evidence, especially the emails that were found on the laptop, will convince even her most ardent backers that she is not fit to hold office.

What’s more, President Joe Biden will be appointing Hillary Clinton to the Supreme Court in her stead. We expect a swift confirmation, as Secretary of State Clinton has impeccable legal credentials and is a seasoned constitutional scholar.”

It is highly suspicious that a mysterious laptop belonging to the latest Supreme Court justice is found so close to the election, let alone that she would leave it in Senator Schumer’s office. Nevertheless, we decided to do our due diligence.

We asked forensic investigator Joe Barron of the Internet Research Agency in St. Petersburg, Florida, who was tasked with analyzing the laptop, to explain:

“While I cannot go into details because the investigation is still underway, I can say that we found highly questionable material on the hard drive, including emails and video evidence.

I mean, I never even knew midgets could do those things with donkeys. And the emails! Holy cow. If I didn’t know any better she was having affairs with like fifteen men and women at the same time, all of whom she met on a QAnon dating site, and many of which were Russian or Ukrainian.

I’m not even going to go in to what they were discussing. It’s absolutely disgusting.

This laptop contains some of the most bizarre things I’ve ever come across in my career.”

Wow. If any of this turns out to be true, a lot of Potatriots™ will be bitterly disappointed.