Anheuser Busch Stuck With A Million Unsellable Bud Light “Trans Cans”

In what could be the dumbest story of all time, Anheuser-Busch says it has no idea what to do with the nearly one million “trans cans” it produced to honor drag queens and some social media influencer.

“We have a million of these things and everyone canceled their order,” said production executive Joe Barron, “now we don’t know what to do with them other than give them away for free. Maybe we’ll fill them with water and donate them to hurricane victims this season or something.”

All told the blunder will end up costing the Bud Light division hundreds of millions of gallons of product as well as a huge chunk of its reputation. “it’s a disaster,” said Barron, “a true nightmare.”

The company has been playing cleanup ever since the tragic miscalculation earlier this week. With losses totaling $1.2 billion so far and 100 million customers lost, there’s little hope the brand will survive.

“Right now we’re all just hoping to still have jobs in the morning,” Barron said, “it’s really tense. Things are moving minute by minute.”

Behind the scenes, Logan is still calling the shots but it looks like Shiv is making real headway on getting herself a board seat. Since Conner isn’t interested and Kendall is back in rehab, she’s the most likely prospect to usher in a new era of leadership at Bud Light. God Bless America.