The majority shareholders of ABInbev, the parent company of Anheuser-Busch, want a change in leadership, and they want it now. The three top shareholders sent a letter to the Board of Directors demanding the resignation of CEO Sandy Jeridusky.

After the disastrous Bud Light marketing campaign that alienated half of America, the stock price took a huge hit. Down more than six points or one-tenth of a sixth percent, investors started talking about having to make up for the losses elsewhere.

“I think I lost somewhere in the area of $6 million yesterday,” said shareholder Joe Barron, “and that’s not including how much I lost on Nike.” Apparently, one transgender person has managed to crumble the financial empires of two of the most successful brands in pre-woke America.

According to our financial analyst, the only worse investments right now are Disney and Alyssa Milano’s new “Who’s the Boss” remake, which she’s been trying to promote on Kickstarter for a year now.

“None of the woke investments are paying off,” said investment specialist Art Tubolls, “it’s time people stopped hoping this fad will catch on.”

Jeridusky will likely head out to pasture and spend his days more than 500 feet from children in a retirement community in Boca. God Bless America.

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