As part of her “Green New Deal” initiative, House representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is proposing a nationwide ban on all pickup trucks with gas or diesel engines, citing the damage those vehicles cause to the environment. The ban is to take effect some time in early 2024, shortly after newly elected President Biden has been sworn in and Democrats have regained control of the Senate.

The ban will require all affected pickup trucks – regardless of age – to be scrapped within six months of the ban taking effect. Owners will be given $3,000 vouchers and a tax credit towards the purchase of an electric pickup, such as the one produced by Tesla.

Contacted at her home in New York City, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez was gleeful about her proposal:

“This proposal is precisely what the Green New Deal is all about. Those trucks stink, especially the diesel ones. I mean, have you ever sat next to one at a red light? They only get about 8 miles per gallon, which is insane compared to my Tesla Model 3. Just the other day my good friend and fellow Wiccan Sandy Batt said that the guys driving these things, especially Trump supporters, substitute them for their lack of manhood. If they’re that desperate they can always hang their truck balls on a Tesla and at least do some good for the environment.”

These Trump supporter manhood replacement parts would look even better on a Tesla.

Cletus Derpfinger, president of Sexually Inadequate Truckers for Trump was despondent:

“What are we going to do when they take our trucks away? Those are our peens! What else are we going to replace them with? Most of us can’t replace them with guns, because we’re convicted felons, so trucks are the only thing we’ve got. AOC is always so mean to us!”

Will this happen? We report, you decide. As your usual reward for reading this article, click on the image below for a delicious cake!


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