Alec Baldwin had a “clear motive to murder his cinematographer,” according to a new filing. The District Attorney in Artubolls Park, Illinois says the evidence that Baldwin is a killer is undeniable and has upgraded the charge to 2nd-degree murder.

The news is significant because it’s from a completely different district than the one already charging Baldwin with involuntary manslaughter. That DA, in Billings, Montana, says Illinois will have to wait until Baldwin either faces trial or pleas out to extradite.

“He has to pay the piper in Montana first before he can be charged for the same death again in another state,” said our legal expert, Thomas Bagger Esquire, “They also had to upgrade the charge to murder or it would have been double jeopardy.”

We confirmed the legalities with our constitutionalist, who says Baldwin will likely do a mandatory fiver in Utah, where the accident actually happened, before Montana or New Jersey get their hands on him. “At that point, the murder charge may be moot,” said Bagger, “He’ll have to pass through the south at some point and one of those states will certainly execute him for his many crimes on Saturday Night Live.”

Baldwin’s attorneys call the charges “absurd” and hope the taters aren’t dumb enough to buy it. “This one will really disappoint them when they figure it out.” God Bless America.

1 Comment

  1. MABEL JOHNSON

    TATERS PROBABLY BOUGHT IT, BUT THE ARTICLE WAS NOT SHARED !!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *