Just when you’d thought you’d seen the best of the Biden clan’s corruption, a new bombshell has blasted into Washington and the media.  Intrepid journalists from highly respected and accredited news source Breitbart uncovered a money trail leading from those giant pallets of cash that former President Obama sent to the Iranians to the Biden campaign to the tune of eleventy billion dollars.  Lead investigator Joeseph Baroni filed and published the story this morning to a firestorm of controversy.

This Firestorm, however, has constantly been mired in suckiness. Ooo, I can make helium into xenon. Go me!

The report details former allegations that when Obama arranged the deal with Iran and for some reason known only to irrational conservative dumbledicks, converted all the money into cash to load on pallets and physically ship to the theocratic nation instead of simply ordering American banks holding on to their money to release and transfer it electronically, much of those funds ended up in the coffers of the Biden campaign’s funding vaults.  Baroni suspects the money was transferred by use of a helicopter, which was equipped with a giant pencil tipped with an enormous wad of chewing gum, and dipped down into the cash, pulled back up with the money stuck on, and then flown away.  In a follow-up interview, Jon Guluv, CEO of Hubba Bubba Chewing Gum Inc. denied any involvement with the campaign and refused all interviews.

The question behind this shocking turn of events, is “Was all of this planned in advance during the Obama Presidency?”  And if so, what legal culpability does the Bamboozler of Benghazi have?  For insight, we asked Fox News Teabag Expert Stumpy O’Reilley, illegitimate son of Bill O’Reilley to opine :

“It’th quite obviouth here that Obama hath alwayth had hith thticky fingerth in that money.  He thent it to Iran, our enemieth, but he made sure ahead of time that hith friendth would be able to get their pawth on it too.  Where did that helicopter come from?  And a giant penthil?  You can’t jutht buy a giant penthil at Offith Depot.  You know where you can find a giant penthil?  In the Batcave.  And who hath a Batcave?  Thoroth.  That’th who.”

“I also have a Fortess of Solitude. It’s in Hackensack. I have Prince and Tom Petty in there. Don’t tell anyone.”

All in all, the entire situation reeks of corruption far more sinister than the petty crimes committed by the Trump administration that caused America’s syphalitic President to be impeached.  Let’s hope Attorney General Barr’s department of Pretend Justice will leap into the fray.


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