First son, oil magnate, and lawyer – Hunter Biden certainly wears some high and mighty hats.  He’s been the subject of several investigations amounting to absolutely nothing, and a phony “gotcha” scandal setup by Rudy Guliani in pathetic attempts to shoehorn him into the news cycle to make Trump supporters feel better about their epic failure and mental illnesses regarding separation from reality.

Many delusional Trumpers actually believe Mike Pence was cloned. With THAT hair.

It’s no surprise that the rehabilitated 51-year old needed a good, long celebration last week for his birthday with some friends and business associates in Beijing, China. Over three hundred guests packed the Sandee Batt Chow Chow nightclub in Roocy Roo square Tuesday night for nearly 15 million dollars worth of festivities.

While it’s true that the younger Biden’s actual birthday falls in early February, pandemic travel restrictions caused by the bungling actions of his father’s disgraced predecessor Donald Trump have delayed the proposed party, along with the fact that I just had the idea out of thin air.

The star-studded gala sported a host of roof-mounted spotlights across the Chinese sky, and special valet parking by a team of trained Samurai.  Guests were led into the club by celebrity greeter Jackie Chan, who deftly kung foo-ed their outer garments onto hangers with his karate feet.

Music inside the club was eclectic, featuring the talents of such popular Chinese artists as Midget Kaiju, The Kung Pao McNuggets, and Men Without Hats.  A Jello Sumo-wrestling pit filled quickly with oversized revelers, and a private “Who You Bang Bang” room was filled all night with saucy volunteers who wished to have communist sex with partners randomly chosen for them by the government and like it or die.

“Bad news, Gaijin, you ordered into the Dennis Rodman Sugar Shack. MAKE THE EMPIRE PROUD!”

Although the exorbitant cost of the celebration will eventually be passed on to the American citizen through a proposed Social Security tax, it will remain a legendary salute to the continued life of privilege of Hunter Biden.  Now it’s time for a lot of people to have some coffee and an aspirin.

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