In the last couple of weeks, ratings for Fox News have fallen substantially.  Even mainstay and reliable old faces like Sean Hannity have felt the sting.  And that sting comes from one, giant, gaping hole in the programming schedule.

Tucker Carlson.  After he was unceremoniously fired from Fox News after the results of a lawsuit that included recordings of him chastising former President and record number of impeachments holder Donald Trump, Tucker turned to Twitter for his newest rantings.  And it’s working.

Fox has noticed, and now the general malaise of hopelessness wants gently over the network like a chili fart.  Fox News ratings expert and three-time chili-farting champion Sandra Batt told us why.

“Fox is finally starting to find out that the entirety of cable news networks is pretty much over as their antique audience dies off.  It doesn’t really have much to do with Tuck.  I mean, there aren’t any more really young women in short skirts on couches anymore.  And “Outnumbered” doesn’t count.  Even old men don’t want to see tree-trunk pins.”

What about Judge Jeanine?  She still raises the tentpoles of some of the old conservative dingleberries, doesn’t she, Sandra?

“Well, a little.  But then she talks, and that’s a big turn off for the walking near-dead.  I’ve read that scientific experiments have actually proven that her voice actually dissolves Viagra.  Isn’t that weird?”

It sure is.  Maybe Fox can just hire a porn star and start getting ratings again.  One can dream.


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