Senator Leslie Knope has certainly come a long way since her political genesis in the small town of Pawnee, Indiana.  Now a lawmaker representing the entire state, she wields her power like an hour-baked waffle.

“Doc, that waffle sat on my stomach like a Samoan wrestler.”

Now, one of the most liberal senators since AOC has drafted a bill to be released into Congress next week that will impose the death penalty on crimes committed on the basis of race, ethnicity, or sexual identity.  Known as the “Sammy Davis Jr.” bill, SB6912 is looked upon with great optimism in leftist circles, making Knope herself a communist Marxist socialist zimbalist hero.

“Oh my God, I don’t know why everybody is making such a big deal about it,” says staffer April Ludgate.  “I mean, this is a woman who stood up for an hour before Applebee’s opened because the sign said ‘Please Wait to Be Seated.’  She has some issues.”

Senatorial file clerk Sandy Batt says Knope’s bill could revolutionize hate crime law as we know it.

“From now on, racists and sexists and homophobic scumbags mostly from the southern states will finally see justice when they go ‘wilding’ or whatever.  This will certainly improve the electorate as well as the population in general. Huzzah, I say.”

That’s the sound a CHAINSAW makes in the RAINFOREST.

Both entertainer Kid Rock and thespian John Voigt were contacted for a statement for this article, but declined to respond due to being massively busy being completely irrelevant.

Libertarian spokesperson Ron Johnson, a long time former friend and colleague of Knope’s weighed in from his new position as head of table and chair construction for mega-corporation Good Furniture.

“Leslie Knope is the kind of woman you meet in the supermarket aisle where they sell appletini mixer.  She measures twice and then cuts twice.  Sounds kind of ridiculous.  But it works.  Now excuse me.  I’m about to sand a dining room set made especially for dogs.”

1 Comment

  1. MABEL JOHNSON

    50 PEOPLE WANT TO BE IN A ROOM EXQLUSIVLY FOR DOGS !!!!

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