Detectives Recover ‘Incriminating’ Journal From Alec Baldwin’s Briefcase

Detectives have uncovered the briefcase Alec Baldwin swore on national television he didn’t own. The briefcase, according to detectives, allegedly contained a journal that kept track of the movements of the director killed by Bladwin’s negligence.

The journal seems odd, says Detective Art Tubolls of the Hollywood PD, because why would someone need to know when and why someone goes places and does things? Especially someone you’re not connected to?

The journal mentions three other women Baldwin was apparently stalking, but not who they are or how he intends to kill them. Authorities have tried to contact the women, but they’re having a hard time finding them.

Baldwin denies that the briefcase or the journal belong to him, noting that they mysteriously showed up at a computer repair shop in Delaware. Immediately the liberal press believed him and gave him a pass.

Forensic handwriting analysts say they have little doubt that Baldwin wrote the journal but that they’ll know more when he submits a sample.

Hopefully, this can be the beginning of justice being served for the young director, whose name we’ve withheld because the audience doesn’t really care.

There’s nowhere to hide, Alec Baldwin. Your career is over.

God bless America.