Disney Shareholders In a Panic Over “Woke Remake” Losses and Park Boycotts

A recent Disney Shareholders’ meeting sounded more like a gladiator battle in the Roman Coliseum than an afternoon affair at the Orlando Airport Marriot. Investors, it seems, aren’t happy with the direction of the company.

More than 874 people voted with all of their shares to send a vote of no confidence to the Board of Directors with a demand that they fire CEO Joe Barron.

“Barron is a madman,” said shareholder Art Tubolls of Boca Raton, “he has to go. I read that all of his decisions are the reason the parks are empty and they’ve lost all this money on remakes.”

“Woke remakes” have reportedly cost the company tens of billions, which translates to nearly $2 billion in portfolio losses for investors. Our financial correspondent, Cynthia Lewhue, says that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

“Literally,” she said, those 800 some-odd people are the tip of the iceberg. It’s a bunch of boomers who show up for the free buffet. The investors who own the controlling interest don’t even show up. They stay hame and make the actual decisions.”

Several other investors disagreed with that assessment, assuring us that their votes often end up making a huge difference. Mitch and Peg Bendleford, originally from Belle Vernon, Pennsylvania but now residing in Ocala, say that they were instrumental in making huge changes at the last annual meeting.

“They wanted us to keep eating some cheap barbeque from a place in St. Pete. We told them if they’re gonna waste money getting stuff from so far away that we wanted Pigsty in Boynton. This year? Pitmaster Tom himself showed up and sliced dino ribs personally.”

Cynthia doesn’t believe the Bendlefords understand the question, but when ultimately commended them on their victory. “The burnt ends are really good,” she told Sports Illustrated for some reason.

Go woke go broke, patriots. That’s just how it goes. God Bless America.