Dixie Chicks Calling It Quits: “Nobody Will Book Us Anymore”

“The Chicks” went completely woke way back before wokeness was even a thing. Formerly “The Dixie Chicks,” they changed their name in recent years to remove references to the proud south to be more “compassionate” to those the word might offend.

Fast forward a few years, and the band is hanging it up. “Nobody will book us anymore,” said head Chick Sandy Batt, “we haven’t been approached to cut a new album since we changed the name.”

Running a band without anything to sell or tours to book is an expensive prospect. One that could land “The Chicks” in deep financial trouble. “We’ll probably have to file Chapter 11,” said Batt, “thirty people are gonna lose their jobs.”

Maybe they should have thought of that before they took a perfectly sellable act and turned it into an ad for wokeness. According to our research, a guy on YouTube called “ChickHater6969,” the band hasn’t had a profitable year since they came out against the War in Iraq. “Wars are good unless there’s a Democrat in office,” said everyone ever, “then it’s just a waste of tax dollars when there are veterans living on the streets here at home.”

The members all say they intend to use different names and launch solo careers in hip-hop. Good luck to you, and God Bless America.