Judge Wants Trump ‘Restrained’ During Trial

The Second Impeachment of Donald Trump is shaping up to be an undoubtedly controversial event.  America’s very halls of justice are positively atitter with discussion and debate about the process’s viability itself, since the accused is no longer in office, and the expense of dragging so many witnesses, legal personnel, and a hot-air popcorn machine (requested by Chuck Schumer) into the courtroom.

Making matters worse, the officially appointed judiciary, the honorable Judge Nelson has requested that the defendant, aka “Individual One”, aka “Hoobastank Donnie”, Donald Trump, be physically restrained for the length of the trial. Nelson cited the defendant’s tendencies for unpredictable outbursts and his following of violent mental patients.

Judge Nelson is a well-respected figure in legal circles, first coming to prominence in 1985, winning a marijuana cultivation scholarship from his native Shermer, Illinois high school to attend Harvard Law.  Known during his legal career to “shoot from the hip”, Nelson worked his way up and was appointed to the ninth circuit by President Bob Dole.

Sandy Batt of the Congressional Committe for Locking Them Up gave us her take on the whole hullabaloo.

“Saying he can’t be impeached because he’s no longer in office is ridiculous.  Firstly, it’s been done more than once in American history.  Second, the crime just doesn’t get to go unpunished because the guy lost his job.

If you punch someone while you’re working at Arby’s and they fire you, the guy you punched can still sue you.  It’s how ‘the law’ works, no matter what the flatheads on OAN or Newsmax tell you.  And he should be cuffed.  He’s a danger to himself and others.”

Legal scholors are so far agreeing with the judge’s opinion, with many in favor of also having the former President wheeled in on a Hannibal Lecter-style loony cart. Whatever happens, it’s sure that Judge Nelson will be just fine smoking cigarettes for Christmas.