Elon Musk believes he has the solution to one of the country’s most pressing 1st Amendment issues: the suppression of the news and opinions of the Newsmax network.

“Newsmax might be controversial,” said Musk, “but it’s not breaking anyone’s rules. Banning it is the epitome of cancel culture.” Musk then went on to describe his brilliant plan to get the network back on DirecTV.

The billionaire says he can buy Newsmax for “pocket change” and put the weight of his name and influence behind getting it re-signed with the satellite provider. If not, he has other options available, including a satellite blockade of his own to disrupt DirecTV’s signal.

“I don’t know if they want to have a space war with me right now. I can cancel their flight plans, re-assign their maintenance crews, and if necessary, use secret military hardware I’ve had floating around up there to blow their ancient tech out of the sky.”

US Space Force General Joe Barron said there are no “laws” regarding shooting a satellite down, since no one country can claim space as its own, but there could be other issues. “They could sue him,” he said. Musk laughed at the notion, saying he could cash in “about a tenth of my Tesla stock” to cover the cost of putting another DirecTV “overrated antenna” into orbit.

Musk purchasing Newsmax and throwing his weight around is good news for patriots who believe in free markets, patriots. God Bless America.



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