Elon Musk has issued an ultimatum to DirecTV and its parent company, AT&T: Reinstate Newsmax and OANN or else.” Or else what? For most people, this would be the idlest of threats. When you own your own rocket company, however, things get a little more interesting.

“I’ll put satellites in front of every piece of DTV equipment in the sky,” said Musk. You’ll have to move to the moon to get a signal, and that will only be good a few hours per day.”

According to US Space Command, there is no precedent for such a thing, so Musk could likely do whatever he wants. “There are no rules in space, just handshake agreements between countries and companies to keep the satellite network up and running.”

Our space analyst, Dr. Joseph Barron PhD, MBA, IED, ALLOD says Musk would need to launch a dozen satellites and place them in DTV’s line of sight to disable their systems and that it’s “not just plausible but fairly easy.” There’s no word yet on how other billionaires with rockets to play with might respond.

Jeff Bezos, who believes he owns 65% of the sky, says he had no idea space was a free-for-all. “Expect some fun news from Amazon,” he said, “Me and the Virgin Mobile guy are gonna prank Elon but good.”

Those silly rich folks. It’s good they can joke about these kinds of things. Hopefully, DirecTV falls in line. God Bless America.


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