Kelley Clarkson.  Ellen DeGeneres.  Kelly Ripa.  These are the names of the winners of several Daytime Emmy Awards.  These names represent the best, brightest, and most talented interviewers and entertainers in their field.

Which really isn’t saying much.  Daytime Emmy awards are often made available within a few months on eBay.  But it’s the thought that counts.  And that thought has been stricken from the collective unconscious concerning television’s The View.

“Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar are toxic,” says Emmy Nomination Committee head Sandra Batt.  “They natter on and on about garbage every day, and attack anyone who doesn’t see things their way.  They’re ineligible.”

The committee has already voted and consequently removed The View from any and all Emmy award consideration.  Hosts and employees of the show are pretty pissed off.

“This is an outright political hit job, is what it is,” says View cameraman Ollie Taturd.  “All the work we’ve done for more than a decade unrecognized and passed by?  It’s unconscionable.  This is because the hosts are liberals and they don’t want to hear the truth, these conservative dicks.”

Taturd may have a point.  Is it their political bent that burns the asses of many conservative viewers and assholes who claim to “never tune in?” Maybe.

I guess those are the people who will have to continue to get their View information from the internet’s premiere satire page.

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