Feds Arrest Hero Samaritan for Shooting Three Known Criminals

The FBI is playing god again, pretending it isn’t an evil organization out to play dirty for America’s most corrupt politicians. This time, agents in the field in North Dakota arrested a man they said fled there after shooting three known criminals.

Joseph Barron, who took out the three men while they tried to rob an innocent woman in an alley in New York City, said he acted in defense of the girl, making it legal in Texas. “This isn’t Texas,” the officer told him, as they booked him into custody. Luckily, since there is no such thing as bail in New York anymore, Barron walked away and left for North Dakota.

“It’s my right as a citizen to travel,” Barron told agents after they apprehended him, “and I didn’t murder anyone, I protected someone else.” He’ll go back to New York to face state charges for Murder and then possibly hate crime charges from the federal government.

“He would have been fine,” said New York Prosecutor Art Tubolls, “had he made the three stay on their knees until the woman was safely gone, but he instead chose to shoot each of them in the head four times.”

As The New York Post and Fox News were quick to point out, all three of the men may have died execution-style, but they all had criminal records, and none of them had ever proven that they’re not pedophiles, so that’s always a possibility. Was he wrong to make them beg for their lives before killing them anyway? That’s a matter for the lawyers to sort out. Sounds like he might have a good Rittenhouse defense. “If those guys had gotten my gun they would have killed me.”

God bless America.