Gary Sinise wasn’t just in Forrest Gump. He played a man whose entire legacy was about being a soldier. When the film wrapped, he decided to make the plight of warriors wounded like Lieutenant Dan his own.

The actor began a charity that gives houses to wounded warriors, buys passes to theme parks for the children of active-duty soldiers, and offers a ten percent discount on tickets to his band’s shows. The band is cleverly monikered after the single most impressive piece of Sinise’s entire body of work as a sidekick to Tom Hanks,

“I just want to thank all the charities here,” said Sinise, who was then heckled by none other than Allysa Milano. “Tell us about Brian Kolfage,” she shouted. “I give houses to wounded warriors, princess,” Sinise fired back, “You provide emotional support for people who recently lost a pet.”

After his comments, “Lieutenant Dan” himself took to the stage with the “Lt. Dan Band” and rocked both of their songs. Sinise played three out of four of the strings on his bass like a pro, After a convincing performance, he looked directly into Milano’s eyes and mouthed “Brian says hi.”

Kolfage, meanwhile, has been scrubbed from Sinise’s website and archives. There’s literally no mention of the guy Sinise was told all about when liberal trolls found out he was scamming a guy who tries to good for a free smart home. Which is a shame, because “neener neener neener I told you so” can be lots of fun to watch in real-time.



1 Comment



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *