Finally.  This last week saw the Cancel Culture War enter yet another front, this time with a shot fired across the field at one of children’s oldest and most American of heroes : G.I. Joe.

It started Wednesday, when an article appeared in the New York Times-Queef accused the marketing strategy and advertisements for the popular doll line of: “encouraging children towards violence and death-dealing”, and suggested that we have a desperate need as a nation to “evolve” beyond such propaganda.  It called for the outright banning of the toys.

Joe Barron, head of Liberals Against Buying Into Aggression, explained that encouragement to teach military methodology to children is a sign of a rogue third world dictatorship.

“These so-called ‘toys’ come with guns and tanks and ranks, all of which pushes kids into a mindset of graphic violence and teaches them that using force solves problems, whether their own, or those of their country.  It’s a sick, twisted ideology of the past, and it needs to be extinguished.”

Meanwhile, the Rick Allen Pop figure is sick and tired of banging out “Pour Some Sugar On Me” at Smurf raves.

Harry Balzack, spokesperson for the Hasbro company, owner of the action figure line, however, fired back at L.A.B.I.A., inviting the pussified liberal censorship clan to have sexual relations with themselves in no uncertain terms.

 “G.I.Joe is an American institution. That’s why we put Bruce Willis in the movies.  It’s a multi-million dollar franchise.  Do you think we’re going to dump that?  These liberal women-mans can run off and cry in a corner while they cry about their kids lusting for the blood and guts of our enemies.  We own the Transformers too.  Just for this, we’ll make the next movie about both of them blasting each other on an island of baby seals.  Suck it.”

Strong words.  But after the neutering of Mr. Potato Head and the un-tittifying of our sexiest cartoon rabbits, it’s understandable.  Someone had to draw a line in the sand.  For America.  For our children.

For the right of our next generation to scream “Yo Joe!”


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