Whoopi Goldberg’s Daughter Hasn’t Seen Mom in 20 Years

Sometimes it’s fairly tough to be the son or daughter of a celebrity.  That fame can either trickle down, leading to a life of riches, notice, and attention, or to infamy and disgrace.

Candace Sweetmuffin Goldberg is loving that life, and has opted to take a second comfortable medium : complete and total separation.

In a very rare public interview last weekend with our own Joe Barron, Candace dished on the relationship with her estranged mother and where she’s been for nearly twenty years.

“I haven’t even seen my mom in person since I was around sixteen,” says the petite now-35-year old woman.  “I don’t watch her stupid show on TV, and I don’t read all the crap and nonsense on the internet.  I just don’t care.”

Candace is now a professional baseball seam stitcher who lives in Queefsburgh, Pennsylvania.  She is not married and is proud of it.

“I don’t need no man to share my life with.  Once they find out who my mother is, they usually start asking for money anyway.  I don’t have lots of money.  Again, I sew baseballs.”

Whoopi was contacted to add to the interview, but was apparently “too busy” to attend, and released only the following short statement:

“I don’t have a daughter, you stupid stupid Trumplickers.  Jesus, what a world.”