Nancy Pelosi and other Democrats are insisting that Donald Trump open up the country, against the wishes of medical professionals everywhere. Democrats are angry about immigration centers and abortion providers are not deemed “essential,” with Pelosi especially livid that liquor stores in her home state of California also closed.

When pressed on why the insistence of opening everything back up, Pelosi screamed: “death is a part of life, and people need to realize that.”

A horrified assistant to Pelosi, Joe Barron, gasped and covered his mouth, knowing Pelosi hasn’t had a drink in at least three days.

“When she doesn’t drink”, Barron says, “ She gets incredibly violent and abusive”. He worries about the safety and security of his fellow staffers, representatives and plant life living in the capitol building. “I’ve seen her throw petunias at the wall,” Barron added.

Opening the country would be bad, but several corporate business owners who donate to the Democrats simply don’t care.

“What’s a couple of million deaths when it comes to profit?” says David Green, owner of Hobby Lobby, who, despite orders, has kept his stores open, slashing salaries and refusing and personal protection to his employees. Green’s wife had a dream from their lord to “keep them open and screw the employees.”

While it’s true that Nancy Pelosi herself has kept the San Francisco liquor stores afloat for years, it’s no reason to put anyone else at risk, even if it means abused staffers and dead plants. The risk to the community would be too much, the consequences dire.

Casino owner and long time Democratic donor Sheldon Anderson feels the same way, chomping at the bit to get things open in Las Vegas.

“What is more important? People or profit? That’s right. Profit.”

Andersen feels it’s his American duty to rip off as many Americans as he can, and knowing they’ll have an extra $1200 in their pockets, he’s seeing dollar signs.

Thankfully Republican Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin sees it differently and released this statement.

“Every premature death is a tragedy, but death is an unavoidable part of life.”


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