Guy Fieri runs some of the friendliest restaurants in America. “Flavortown,” with locations in Charlotte, Albuquerque, and Portland, Oregon, boasts a fantastic menu along with a world-famous ambiance.

That’s why when Megan Rapinoe showed up causing a commotion, Fieri himself booted her. She was sitting in the center of the room, with five of her friends, screaming about Ron DeSantis and Ben Shapiro. at one point, she had Elon Musk’s secretary on speakerphone, demanding to speak with him.

That’s when  Chef Guy stepped in and laid down the law. “This is a family place,” he told her, “These people don’t want to listen to you complain about inequality all night.”

Rapinoe wasn’t available for comment. Her spokesman, Joe Barron, says as far as she’s concerned, there’s no reason to spend her money in a restaurant with such “mediocre food made acceptable by large portions.”

ALLOD Food Criticalizer Tara Newhole agreed with Barron but disagreed that he represents anyone. “He’s a recurring character FFS,” she wrote on Twitter, which she still refuses to call X, “Why are these potatoes so dumb?”

Newhole has obviously spent too much time investigating this nonsense and may require a bit of a sabbatical. Luckily, she has several weeks of vacation time saved.

Thus ends another chapter of “Punishing Megan Rapinoe.” God Bless America.


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