Hershey may have thought it was a good idea to use a biological male to promote International Woman’s Day, but they were wrong. Women across the globe came out in support of their fellow females and let the company know they weren’t happy.

According to our financial analyst, Skip Tetheludah, Hershey is losing approximately $14 million per day in sales on chocolate bars alone, and that doesn’t include the big bars used for cooking and s’mores.

On top of that, the stock price is in a freefall, accounting for the bulk of the loss. “The drop is significant,” said Tetheludah, “we haven’t seen a company lose this much this fast since Disney oppoised Ron DeSantis’ fascism.”

Tetheludah is a fantastic analyst but he’s also a liberal troll. He hasn’t gotten the memo about the whole “method” thing we have going on her at ALLOD. Bless his heart.

At any rate, if Skip’s estimates are true, Hershey will be oput of business in no time. Just like Nike, Disney, Land O Lakes, and the Washington Football Commanders, Hershey will go down in history as a great company that lost all its credibility to wokeness.

Luckily, there are other chocolate bars available out there, and some of them are even pretty okay. It might look a little strange without Hershey at the 7-11 counters, but just like with NECCO Wafers and Twinkies, we’ll get used to it until someone comes along and revives it without all the woketivity. God B;ess America.

68 Comments

  1. MABEL JOHNSON
    Reply
    June 24, 2024,

    100 PEOPLE ONLY EAT HERSHEYS !!!!

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    July 22, 2024,

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