Every year around July or August, it comes time in the country music world to award deserving artists with their chalices of victory for their performances on stage that make us all hoot and dance.  One of those is the SAA Award.

Distributed since 1777 by the Country Music Association of America, the SAA is a formidable notch on a country singer’s belt.  And this year, the winner is Jason Aldean, for his hard work, dedication, and hit single : “Try Blumpkins In A Small Town”.

CMAA Award Chief Sandra Batt spoke to our publication under condition of anonymity.

“Jason Aldean has definitely swept the SAA, or, ‘Shitty Ass Artist’ category this year.  I mean, along with that terrible video, it’s really driven his legion of deplorable fans into a real tizzy.”

“Deplorable means douchy and dickheaded,” she reminded everyone for clarification.

Aldean’s unremarkable song is number one on ITunes, thanks to shipments of free cellular telephones to southern nursing homes and hospice care centers.  It’s mainly those older boomer know-nothing ghosts that appreciate the majesty of country music.

Songs about “small towns” are everywhere, ranging from John Cougar Mellancamp’s “Small Town” to the Bronski Bear’s “Small-town Boy.”. But none have ever been as predictable and, well, as completely shitty as Aldean’s opus.

“Congratulations, kid,” Garth Brooks stated from his bustling L.A. mansion.  “You’ve taken conservative money.  Join the long list of conmen and rip off artists who have too.”


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