In case you haven’t noticed, or are some kind of giddy gay liberal pussy-hat wearing fruitypants who lives in mommy’s basement living off hot pockets, Cheetos, and Snickers bars, gas prices in the United States of America are sky high.

Like Scott Baio at a Nickleback concert.

Why are they suddenly sky high after four years of a President who kept them low with tough talk, mean tweets and daily blood-icings?  Is it because of the gas companies who suffered while people didn’t drive much under the umbrella of the Trump plague and are now making record profits?

Maybe.  According to sort-of President Joe Biden, it’s that, along with Putin running rampant in the Ukraine.  If only old Joey had some kind of “expert on the Ukraine” friend that could help out there.  Hey, where’s Hunter?

That being said, one man took the matter into his own hands.  Or would, if he had hands.

His name is Senior Airman Sanders Battfage, a mortally wounded veteran, just rolling around trying to grift your money and survive, like any other hero.  He’s begun a brand new GoFundMe to collect cash to pay men to finish the beleaguered Keystone XL pipeline and take the weight off of us.

He’ll take quarters, nickels, even S&H green stamps.

But will tough, strong-bred American men and women come to help in this task?  Sanders was placed atop a bean bag chair in front of an audience to answer.

”           “.

Oh, that’s right.  Battfage tragically had his lower head and lip area blown off in a Moghadishu whorehouse by an IED masquerading as an IUD.  But I think we all get the gist, potatriot.  You want money.



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