A federal judge appointed by Barack Obama dismissed trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney’s $70 million lawsuit against Kid Rock, calling it “frivolous.”

“This was nothing but a laughable waste of the court’s time,” said Justice Joe Barron, “I’m dismissing this case with prejudice so you can’t go re-filing in some other judge’s courtroom.”

When the gavel slammed down, Mulvaney burst into tears. With one hand covering her face and another clutching her pearls, she ran to the nearest ladies rest room. Several biological females walked out in disgust.

Kid Rock’s lawyer, Thomas Bagger ESQ, said he was pleased with the outcome and looks forward to Mulvaney paying all of Kid’s legal fees.

This was a serious blow to Mulvaney, who says the trauma of seeing Kid shoot those beer cans, ultimately ending her career, is something she’ll never recover from.

“I mean, my career is only over if you ask the blue checks on Twitter, but still,” Mulvaney told this reporter over cocktails, “it hurts to think that a bunch of imps are running around out there calling me a failure and burning their Nikes.”

Bud Light and Nike, the other major players in the Mulvaney scandal, have been completey ruined, according to people who think Kyle Rittenhouse is a hero somehow. God bless America.


  1. Brandon Overthrow

    What I want to know is where are the Eagleton brand supplements!? I only buy my dietary silver from true red-white-and-blue-blooded American patriots!

  2. Max

    How many idiots believe these posts. 😂

    • Brian Cooper

      I believe it I even I even believe all the news I get from Facebook

  3. NN

    The problem with your satire site is this…it’s not even close to sounding true and it’s not funny. Take notes from the Babylon Bee

    You might get more readers that way.

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