LeBron James had no choice but to issue a formal apology to 2nd Amendment hero Kyle Rittenhouse as part of a settlement agreement that puts an end to the months-long feud. Rittenhouse sued James for slander after James called him a “murdering little Nazi,” and a “pile of human excrement in need of a good flushing.”

Rittenhouse’s lawyer, Joe Barron esq, says the deal will net the young man seven figures, but that’s all he’ll disclose. LeBron’s team refused to comment, citing our last article as “poorly-written satire.” Whatever that means.

The public at large can now rest assured knowing that if a jury acquits some kid of murder with the help of a Trumpster-loving judge, he’s protected from being called names. Whoopi Goldberg is also in young Kyle’s crosshairs, as are Joy Behar and Don Lemon.

USC Title 79 Chapter 509 section 3 subsection 298 clearly states that saying mean things about conservatives on the internet — or on tv — after they’ve been acquitted of a crime is punishable by revenge satire. This post serves as a warning to all those who would oppose the things we’re told to do and say: We will, and make no mistake about it, call you sheeple.

God bless America.

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