Lee Greenwood, one of country music’s most celebrated stars, told a cheering crowd that he thinks Garth Brooks should retire. “he’s just embarrassing himself at this point,” Greenwood said, “every time he takes the stage he gets a barrage of boos.”

Greenwood is, of course, talking about the festival in Hambriston, Texas, the unexpected appearance and subsequent sad departure in Oklahoma, and a distraught Carrie Underwood, who found out exactly what it’s like to take the stage with him.

“He’s gone from first to worst,” said country expert Joe Barron, “the only thing he has now is that half of the boomers out there think he wrote ‘Achy Breaky Heart.’ It’s pretty sad to watch.”

Brooks hasn’t responded to Greenwood’s criticism.

ALLOD Entertainment Specialisticator Tara Newhole says Brooks hardly ever responds to the criticisms of “right-wing nutjobs.” According to her, the bulk of these things likely never happened at all.

“No, you stooge,” said Newhole, “None of it happened at all and you know it. You just keep makin’ shit up.” Tara is a bit miffed at this year’s Christmas bonus. We didn’t do Jelly of the Month Club, because that would be too obvious, but we did go ahead and issue gift cards to Target, which is basically like going to Satan’s lair.

“I’m a little afraid I’ll come out gay,” said Newhole. The irony wasn’t lost on this reporter. God Bless America.

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