It has been an eventful weekend for Second in Command of America, Mike Pence. We’re pleased to say that Mr. Pence is recovering from a minor medical emergency, but we sadly cannot say that it was an easy process.

According to sources close to the #2 Family, and certain Secret Service Agents who preferred to remain anonymous, the Vice was discreetly rushed to a prompt care facility this weekend, complaining of constipation. For a man of his age, this is an understandable medical emergency. However, the ER doctor on staff, an immigrant Dr. Pomme d’ Terre, upon learning who his patient was, refused to administer care.

“It is my religious liberty to deny service to those that I feel are living life-styles that I disagree with,” Dr. d’ Terre explained to a weeping Mother Pence. “I’m an Atheist. It’s against my religion to take care of people like him.”

Their hands tied, the Secret Service rushed Mike Pence back to his home and administered some ExLax.

“I don’t think any Christian should be allowed to be discriminated against,” Mother Pence said, to her bodyguard. “We’re supposed to be the ones discriminating. It’s our right as Christians.”

We are praying for Vice President Pence’s speedy recovery from being full of doody.

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