Baldwin In Court : ‘I Never Pulled the Trigger’

Actor Alec Baldwin, indicted and pleading not guilty to thirty-four charges, including murder, appeared in the Queefington Court this Monday, looking visibly upset.

The case stems from an apparent accident on the set of the movie The Bust, when Baldwin’s stage prop, a pistol, was inadvertently and erroneously declared “safe” by the prop master, and fired off live rounds, injuring one, and resulting in the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins.

Baldwin told Judge Joseph Barron in the case that he never even fired the weapon during the incident.

“I never pulled the trigger on that gun,” he said angrily, shaking his fist.  “It fired off on its own after the prop master explicitly told me it was alright.  It must have something stuck in it.  This was all a big plot, and I’ll be suing the D.A.”

The literal “smoking gun” itself is not admissable as evidence so far, and may not ever be, which is a huge detriment to the case against the thespian.  District attorney Joe Konders ranted nervously in the hallway outside.

“You can’t just sue the D.A. because you’re the defendant in a case.  That’s insane.  I mean, who are you, some dickheaded twit getting blown by Trump?  Is that the best you can do?”

The case will be reconvened in July when everyone has completely forgotten about trying to make Baldwin pay for the mistake of a propmaster.