Former NFL star and traitor to his country Colin Kaepernick probably thought he had a million-dollar deal waiting when he finally finished his autobiography. He was wrong.

According to publicist Joe Barron, Kaepernick didn’t receive a single bid on his manuscript, titled, “Colin Kaepernick – An American Hero.”

“We were a little bit surprised,” said Barron, “With all the attention kneeling gets all these years after it was an actual thing on Facebook satire sites, you’d think someone would be interested.

He has a point. In 2023 alone, there have been nearly 403 different versions of a story about Mike Tomlin that never happened, along with a good number of Mike McCarthy pieces that are equally if not more silly AF.

“We’re not sure how the phenomena spread so far and wide,” said Barron, “the protests were one thing, but the dumbass articles about people getting suspended, fined, and fired are just too much. It’s no wonder nobody wanted to buy his book. When you Google him, all you get are links to stories with him looking sad under the category ‘Punishing Colin Kaepernick. It’s just wrong.”

What Barron doesn’t seem to understand is that the people who love to see him punished are so far detached from reality that none of that matters. Even though Colin Kaepernick already has several books published both by and about him, there are 30 million morons who will believe anything you tell them.

The right headline, a few keywords for the quick scan they’ll do of the first two sentences, and off they go to a shiny ad. It truly is magnificent to behold. God Bless America.


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