Barack Hussein Obama says that Donald Trump is a criminal and a traitor to his country, and has called on the “people of America to make a citizen’s arrest” of the former President. Trump, who is beloved by more of the actual public than any president in history, said he’s not too worried about it.

“He’s got nobody that can even get close,” said Trump, “I’m down here surrounded by gold and guns and he’s off in some Masonic Temple worshipping Satan or something.”

Obama says the evidence that Trump tried to steal the election from Joe Biden is overwhelming that Trump should “take what’s left is brain from his snotrag and flush it before anyone else gets hurt.”

President Joe Biden refused to comment, but he did tell the press that he plans to have mint chip ice cream today.

White House Press Secretary Jenn Psaki said that she’s not sure what’s real and what’s not in satire anymore, pointing to the Babylon Bee’s mostly boring lineup with a hit every now and then, and America’s Last Line of Defense, “the silliest thing in publishing.”

The Obama camp refused to respond to requests for a comment on why that would possibly be relevant.

We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.

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