A retired American Secret Service agent who was once a bodyguard for President Barack Hussein Obama made a startling announcement at Cedars-Sinai in Philadelphia today. Former agent Joe Barron has a relative in the hospital and overheard nurses discussing the lack of surgical masks and was puzzled. 

“How can these people do their jobs without PPE, Personal Protective Equipment? Then it hit me that President Obama has 100,000 cases of 1000 N-95 masks in a warehouse in his hometown of Nairobi. These things are collecting dust ever since 2014 when the Ebola scare hit. 

He (Obummer) thought it was going to be much bigger than it was so we flew a dozen C-145 Cargo Planes over and stored them away. He was really flippant about having so many and laughed about selling them on E-Bay when the next epidemic hit. I just forgot all about them. We were debriefed when we left the Service, so my memory was wiped out, up until I heard that.”

Rumors of theft have always surrounded the Democrats as far back as Warren G. Harding who was famous for snatching apples off of carts.

Hillary Clinton took silverware that was made by slaves from the White House and pawned them in Las Vegas for $20,000. Thankfully they were filming the TV show Pawn Stars when she hocked the goods and was caught in the act.

Our crack investigation team at ALLODS has recently discovered Surgical Masks for $18.95 plus tax about a 300 percent markup from Barry S. in Hawaii. We have an E-Bayologist on staff to look into it. Trying to profit off of a tragedy. 

Please give the masks so Donald Trump can save the world like he is destined to do. Haven’t you destroyed this country enough in the eight years you were “President”? What do you say to Americans that are scared, you price gouger? 


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