When Jim Dodge woke up Wednesday afternoon and got ready for work, he never suspected that it might be his last day.  Hired as a night watchman at a local Target retailer, Jim was issued a list of chores to do and a jumpsuit, and normally went about his evening.

Until Wednesday, when, in an empty store, he came upon young Josie McClelan, wearing a super hot sports bra and slowly riding the store’s mechanical toy horse.  It was an intense psycho-sexual moment indeed.

“He should have called the police right then and there,” crowed Security Manager Sanders Batt.  “Instead, he went on a wild nighttime romp with the girl, in a desperate attempt to woo her.”

Batt implies that rollerblading around the store and making faces with the mannequins while blasting terrible music on the store’s sound system were probably what attracted the real threats, an organized shoplifting group of thieves.

While the pair easily outsmarted the crooks, Nestor Pyle and Gil Kenney, it was a tense evening filled with homemade traps and, in Josie’s case, intimate seduction techniques.

“Yes, the Sheriff came the next morning to find the two tied up and secured,” Batt admits.  “But none of this should have happened in the first place.  So, yeah, I shitcanned the kid.”

Young Jim isn’t very sorry for his work.  He called it all part of his Career Opportunites.

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