Americans were relieved when President Trump bravely enacted his stimulus plan so that needy families and citizens could get some much-needed help after Democrats shut down the economy with their overreaction to a measly little pandemic.  Those $1200 checks came as salvation to many, and another round is in the works, with it’s finishing touches being constructed now.  But what may come as a surprise is that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi never considered the money to be a “free ride.”  She’s going to have us all pay it back.  By yanking it out of our taxes or welfare programs, if need be.


Pelosi and Congressional Treasurer Joe Barron took a moment to outline the repayment plan to financial industry media sources.

“Look, I don’t care what that idiot Trump made his freak parade of mooching old paperweights think, but that money didn’t just grow on trees.  We’re a country.  We have bills.  Everyone has to pay back those little checks they so desperately clamored for because they sat at home mooning over Beanie Babies on EBay.  We’re constructing a repayment plan that should work fine for those of you who were responsible and didn’t spend your begging cash on nazi flags as one of his rallies, or whatever.  The rest of you, we’ll just pull it out of your taxes.  Sorry, children of Trump.  Time to grow up.  Payback’s a bitch.”

(Insert Clinton joke here)

Several in the banking community will be taking advantage of the announcement by offering high-interest “repayment” loans at interest rates between 90 and 98 percent.  It’s called “capitalism”, meemaw.  Lace up the straps in those American flag boots.  A fifth mortgage just sounds bad.

The Speaker will be detailing the payment plans beginning next month, during a high-end ice cream social and lobster meat pool party at her compound in San Francisco.  We’ve always been a country of responsible patriots.  Now it’s time to put up, or shut up.  Right?


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