Podcaster Joe Rogan was reportedly on his way out for a bagel when his Dodge Charger was hit head-on by a “suspicious” black SUV. The truck sped away, nearly undamaged, and was later found in an alley in Bushwick, wiped clean with no plates. Police reports state the vehicle was reported stolen nearly six months ago.

Rogan was transported to the hospital immediately by two Samaritans who witnessed the attack. They tossed him in the back seat of their King Cab and got him there before an ambulance could even get to the scene. Rogan went immediately into surgery and is listed as in critical condition. No other information is available.

UPDATE: Joe Rogan Alive and Well, Reports Of “Critical Condition” Are Fake News

Some believe stealing SUVs and waiting a long time to use them for an attack like this is reminiscent of the infamous Antifa attacks in Bowling Green that left seven Trump supporters dead in 2015. On that day, two black stretch limousines pulled up to the Best Western after a Trump rally nearby and opened fire on curious, unsuspecting guests who had likely never seen a car like that before. The Obama administration dismissed it as a random act of violence by 11 “Lone Wolfs.” Historians had to add the [SIC] designation, since wolfs isn’t a thing.

Rogan should be okay, according to our source at the hospital he’s at, in the place he lives, which is definitely somewhere that could involve Bushwick. “He’s one tough cookie,” said the insider, “He won’t let this get him down.”

*Update: Rogan is alive and still in critical condition but the prognosis is good. His doctors say he was most likely just unconscious, but the whole tearing him from the scene of the accident and tossing him in a pickup rather than waiting three minutes for trained professionals probably wasn’t a great idea. Good Samaritans don’t always work out all the time, but when they do, they work out at least when they can.

~God bless America.

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