In the 1990s and well into the 2000s, CNN was known by another name: The Clinton News Network. In an age before partisan cable news, the network was already ramping up to sell the liberal agenda.

Records uncovered during a recent investigation into Jeffrey Epstein’s finances may hold a clue as to why CNN went so far off script to become the most biased news source on the planet.

“According to this,” said forensic accountant Joe Barron, “Mr. Epstein owned the controlling interest in CNN for the entirety of Bill Clinton’s presidency and held onto it until he had no choice but to sell it in 2005.”

During that time, according to sources who may or may not have first-hand knowledge of the situation, Epstein “called the shots.”

“He was in charge,” said supervising producer of Larry King Live Art Tubolls, “Larry was supposed to do a whole thing about him and Trump and the rape charges, but one call from Jeff and it was off.”

Larry King confirmed the story in an email at the time, but isn’t with us to add perspective, sadly. “Jeffrey was a very bad man who covered for a very bad president” an aide said he probably said about Clinton, “You know that guy was on the Lolita Express a lot.”

The Department of Justice told us that there would be no investigation into a nearly two-decade-old sale that nobody can confirm and is “likely the product of one of those dumb satire sites.”

That doesn’t mean we can’t report on it and pray that it’s true, patriots. God Bless America.


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