Kyle Rittenhouse is no slouch. He hasn’t even filed a lawsuit yet and CNN is offering him $18.2 million. How much will he be worth when his new line of digital NFTs drops? Ten times that. There’s no need to settle for anything.

According to the teen hero, he’d prefer to have his day in court so he can tell a jury what that network did to his reputation. He’s afraid to go anywhere alone and has had numerous threats on his life, even though he carried three handguns and a rifle whenever possible.

His next step is to have a lawyer handle all of this so he can focus on basic math skills and re-taking his GED so he can get into the Texas A&M farm league. All-in-all, he’s doing pretty well.

He also has pending issues with several other networks as well as a longstanding feud with The View, LeBron James, and a liberal satirist who likes to tell stories about his many lawsuits. That guy will be getting sued for sure.

A spokesman for CNN said the offer was from their insurance company, not them, and that they won’t be giving “the little murderer” one red cent. “He should have taken it,” says spokesman Joe Barron, “it was a good-faith gesture to save them the legal fees. Whatever. He’s gonna go to court and take on the 1st Amendment? Knock yourself out, Kyle.”

He sure will, Joe. He sure will.

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