Roseanne has a new show that will ultimately compete with “The View” at 11 AM Eastern Monday through Friday. The first episode, however, will appear right after the Super Bowl in 2024, one of the most coveted spots on television.

“We’re thrilled that FOX has decided to not only back our show, but also its willingness to give us such a huge introduction,” said showrunner Joe Barron, “It really is just overwhelming.”

The Super Bowl itself is in Ontario, Canada this year while the Buffalo Bills prepare to move into their new stadium. “Canada is proud to host its first big game since Flutie won the one we do,” said Justin Trudeau, “I still have his Wheaties box.”

Roseanne’s first guests include Chef Gordon Ramsey, Chuck Norris, and the security guard who tossed BoBo out of Beetlejuice.

“We still haven’t given it a name,” said Barr, “Mostly because we’re never sure if it’s actually gonna happen this time.” This is the 11th report of a new Roseanne show since she first reappeared from under whatever rock turns formerly decent comics into bumbling morons and recorded that trash for Fox Nation. If she hopes and prays with the rest of the “informed” Boomers, hopefully this time it will come true.

Roseanne gets most of her news from Facebook, so whenever a new story about a show comes out, she assumes it’s happening. “Last month I was really counting on the $100 million from CBS,” she said, “I guess that was just another media lie.”

Whether it’s a rumor, a lie, or clearly-labeled satire, one thing is for sure: lots of people will be praying for it to come true. And also boycotting the NFL. And Beyonce. For some reason. God Bless America.

 

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