Fox News’ hit program The Five last weekend, featured Doctor Joesephi Barron of the government’s Flatulence Institute, to weigh in on the latest school shooting at a Nashville, Tennessee private Catholic school.  Needless to say, being confronted with facts really steams the liberal’s broccoli.

“Nearly all of the past school shootings have been performed by people who are mentally ill because they’re drastically confused about their own sex,” Barron said bluntly.  “It’s true.  Just do your homework.  Duck-duck-go it.  Ask Jeeves.”

Barron is doing what many Republicans have chosen to do as their excuse for destroying and blocking common sense gun legislation that people in America overwhelmingly support.   Take one single example of something and make it “the common denominator.”

“This goes all the way back to Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris,” Barron said nonsensically.  “Both of them were well-known to want to be women.  If you zoom in on photos of Klebold’s bedroom, you can make out a fetching summer blouse.”

The Nashville shooter had seven legally-purchased firearms on her during the attack.  She was shot and killed by police.

“No, it’s not the gun that’s the problem,” says Janice Rand of bridge paperwork updates.  “The gun is just a tool.  People can kill with anything.  It’s just that a gun can be welded from a safe distance, unseen, and fires a projectile over three hundred miles per hour.  It’s just a handy murder machine.”

Many lawmakers are calling for thoughts and prayers for the victims who are dead and won’t be remembered after another week when some celebrity divorces another one.

Doctor Barron is a licensed phrenologist.


1 Comment



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *