The Democratic nominations of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris have been declared illegal in a stunning 5-4 decision (Democrats v. United States of America) at the Supreme Court. Citing 1961 case Slate v. Spacely as the precedent, the Conservative majority declared that nominating conventions must be held in person and have witnesses to sign the appropriate paperwork.

Slate argued for an in-person convention since that was all of the technology available to him while Spacely, who went back in time to argue the case because of all of the technology available to him, however, the Conservative majority at the time sided with Slate.

Justice Brett Kavanaugh authored the majority opinion.

“I like beer.”

The Trump campaign has ordered all states to ensure that only properly nominated candidates appear on the ballot. Since the Green Party was the only other party to hold an in-person convention, they will be the only other option on the ticket.

Trump is expected to defeat the Green Party ticket of Joe Barron and Bob Smith.

Energy surrounding the Green Party is off the charts right now. Vice Presidential nominee Bob Smith spoke to the media:

“We have the hotel across the street from the Lamplighter ready to go for our victory party. It’s gonna be awesome. We’re gonna have a case of Mad Dog 20/20 and my Uncle Steve there to celebrate!”

Governors found to be in contempt of the Democrats v. United States of America decision will be indicted on one voter fraud charge per every distributed ballot, which carry a minimum sentence of one year of jail time and a $10,000 fine.

The election was already projected to be a slam dunk for Trump before Biden’s nomination was declared illegal. Honestly, though, would you really trust anyone who thinks that partying at the Lamplighter is the way to celebrate a win?

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