“What were they thinking?” That was the question asked by every single member of Target’s Board of Directors on an emergency conference call. “We shouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

Target sells “pride” merchandise. That’s not a secret. But now, under the horrible advice of some woke marketing experts in Seattle, Target is selling adult-themed material as well as transgender “tuck-away bathing suits” that turn little boys into little girls.

“It was a bridge too far,” said Vice President of Conceptual Design Joe Barron, “they needed to be a little bit smarter on this one.”

Quietly, without any form of press release, Target has dismissed “an entire floor of marketing experts” in the wake of the disaster in an effort to stem the bleeding.

“It’s really unfortunate,” said Barron, “we weren’t prepared for a boycott of this magnitude. We were under the impression that the meth-head MAGA crowd were Walmart shoplifters. Most of them have been banned from the stores I’m familiar with.

He has a point. In total, Target has filed no trespass warrants against more than 6,907 red-hat-wearing, truck-flag-having cultists, a mere fraction of the 705,082 filed by Walmarts within 5 miles.

“We thought we did away with them when we took the genders off the bathroom doors.” Looks like you should have thought this through a little bit better, Target. God bless America.

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