Jack Daniels and Tennessee go together like butter on a warm biscuit. At least they used to. Unfortunately, the distiller of America’s most famous spirit has decided to go woke.
That won’t stand, according to State Senator Art Tubolls. “We give that company tens of millions in tax breaks and now we must take those back.”
Not only does Jack Daniels continue to push “pride” celebrations, but now they’ve sided with drag queen RuPaul for a marketing campaign that is quickly backfiring.
“We probably made a huge mistake,” said CEO Joe Barron, “Tennessee has been good to us and now we’ve angered our best customers and most powerful friends.”
If the law passes, JDTW Inc will lose its special tax statues and protections from environmental watchdogs. “They’ll have to explain why they dump millions of gallons of tainted products into the state’s rivers and streams,” said Barron, “and they’ll pay the old-growth oak surcharge for their barrels like everyone else.”
The old-growth oak law makes it more challenging to cut down trees over 100 years old, necessary for the Jack Daniels aging process.
“All of this so they could cater to drag queens,” said Barron, “we intend to make sure Tennessee children are safe from seeing ads for whiskey that may make them question their sexuality. It’s the right thing to do.”
You’re doing the Lord’s work, senator. God Bless You, and God Bless America.
