“The Conners” Cancels Whoopi Goldberg’s Guest Spot: “She’ll Drive Down Ratings”

Whoopi Goldberg was all over the place recently bragging about her upcoming guest spot on “The Conners.” Unfortunately for her, she drummed up the wrong kind of attention.

Producers at ABC were reminded just how much viewers disliked the actress when they received more than a million emails from people who said they’d stop watching if Whoopi was on the show.

“We couldn’t ignore it,” said Programming Executive Joe Barron, “we couldn’t just let her take a million viewers from a show that struggles to get by just because a couple of cast members are friends with Whoopi Goldberg.”

Sources confirm that both Sarah Gilbert and Lecy Goransen are pals with Whoopi. “They go bowling every other Tuesday night,” said a pal, “not the big balls, either. They fly to New England for candlepin. It’s really odd.”

Goldberg also has a long-established relationship with Laurie Metcalf through their time together at Star Trek: The Next Generation. Goldberg was Guinan and Metcalf was Ferengi Female Number 5. In one episode they even spoofed that she was once on the original “Roseanne,” which didn’t go over well with Trekkies.

Nonetheless, all of the good fortunes in the world couldn’t have stopped patriotic Americans from canceling Goldberg’s appearance on the show. Go woke go broke. And God Bless America.